Black Balloon
by SVU-Obsessed
Summary: Chapter four: Nikolas. Emily's already on the edge with everything she has to deal with. But when Nikolas is released from prison, how is she going to cope?
1. Starting Over

I thought it was about time for me to try my hand at a full GH story. Okay, so I've taken a couple of liberties with the storylines. This takes place a couple of weeks from now. Carly's awaiting trial for AJ's muder, Michael's doing much better, Sam's pregnant, and a couple more surprises to come in this chapter ;). All reviews are greatly appreciated and suggestion are fabulous!

Disclaimer: From here on in, I don't own any of the pop culture references, General Hospital locations or characters, songs that I will be poping in every one in awhile.

* * *

"Congratulations!" Elizabeth cried as soon as I'd stepped off the elevator at GH. She bounced over to me and wrapped me in a hug.

"My mom told you?" I asked.

"I got it out of her. I can't believe it Em, first in your class! That's so awesome."

"Thanks," I smiled. After being positive that I had failed all my final exams for the semester, I had gotten a call earlier this morning from the Dean telling me that I had finished first in my class. I was more than a little shocked, and I was still having trouble grasping it. For the first time in a long time, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had four months off. Four months free from studying and classes. Even more, if I really wanted.

Suddenly, I noticed that Elizabeth was beaming too much for it to just be about my grades. Something else was up. In her usual scrubs and ponytail, she was absolutely radiant. With a girlish smile on her face, she ushered me over to the chairs, clutching her charts to her chest.

"Okay, what's going on? You look like the cat that swallowed the canary."

She angled her body to face me, and dropped her charts, revealing a sparkling diamond ring on her left hand.

I shrieked. I couldn't help it. Tony gave me a dirty look, but I ignored him.

"Oh my God," I finally managed to cry. "When did this happen?"

"Last night. He had this elaborate meal planned at Kelly's, with flowers and candles and music, and in the middle of pouring the wine, he just dropped down on one knee and said he couldn't wait all night to ask me."

I melted and picked up her hand to examine it. It was beautiful, a perfect fit for her delicate hand.

"Any ideas for a date?"

"Yeah, we want to have a winter wedding. December. Maybe Christmas. And Em, you have to promise to be my maid of honour."

"I'd be honoured!" It was my turn to hug her. I couldn't have been happier for her. No one deserved it more than Elizabeth. She had been through so much, and had stayed so strong.

She pulled away, then gave me the once over. "What a minute. What are you doing here? You're on vacation. You don't have to be back here until September!"

"I know, I'm not here for work. Jason asked me to come in to see Michael."

"Is there anything new with him?"

"He's mentally fine, but he's still not ready to leave with Jason, Sonny or Carly."

"I still can't believe what AJ did to him. How could anyone ever be so sick?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. But there are so many people who love him so much, we're going to get him through this."

"Liz," one of the other young nurses asked, coming up behind me. "Do you mind checking on Miss Huber? I've got a bit of a situation with one of my patients."

"Sure Heather," she promised, then looked back at me. "I have to go, but I'm so proud of you! We have to do something to celebrate! Okay?"

I nodded. "How about drinks on Friday? If Lucky can take Cameron."

"I'll talk him into it. Now, don't stay here too long. Go on, relax. Have some fun! You could go get a tan. The weather's perfect for it today."

"I will, I promise."

"I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye."

As we said our goodbyes, I couldn't help but envy Elizabeth. She really did deserve everything that was happening, but they were a painful reminder of everything that I didn't have right now: Nikolas, my life, my confidence. My life had slipped away from me, slowly but surely, and it seemed impossible to get it back.

* * *

"Hi Michael," I exclaimed cheerily as I entered his hospital room. Over the past few weeks, he had made amazing progress, and the two of us had grown much closer than before. I guess to a certain extent, I could relate to him, having lost my own parents.

"Himily," he mumbled, not looking up from his book. His voice was low and depressed. I sat at the edge of his bed and put my hands over the page.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He sighed and let go of his book. "They're sending me home today."

He looked so down. "Isn't that good."

He shook his head and lowered his voice. "I don't want to go home with Sonny and Carly. Not now."

I nodded sympathetically and ruffled his hair, getting his attention. "I know it seems scary right now, but I promise I won't let the doctors let you go anywhere you shouldn't be going, even if I have to block the doorway right now."

He giggled. "You're too ticklish to ever block anyone."

"Well they don't have to know that."

"Millie?" he asked, his special nickname for me. I hated it, but I wasn't going to tell him that. "Can I come see you when I get scared?"

"Anytime," I promised. "Just tell Sonny or Carly to bring you over. I could use some company."

"Em, you're here!" Jason exclaimed from the doorway. "I didn't think you'd be here so soon."

"You asked me to come. Besides, I'm done exams, I don't have anywhere to be anymore."

"Right. Did you get your results yet?"

I nodded, and a grin spread across my face, despite the best of my intentions. This was Michael's time, not mine.

"And?"

"I finished first."

"Em, that's fantastic! Congratulations! You hear that Michael? Emily's going to be the best doctor in Port Charles."

"I've got a couple of years yet," I reminded him.

"Then you'll be the best doctor in the world!" Michael exclaimed.

I smiled. "Thank you guys, but I'm here to see Michael."

"Right. I need to talk to you."

Michael made a face at him. "Why don't I get to listen to what grown-ups say?"

"Because when we do tell you to do something, you don't listen," Jason laughed. Michael tried to stick out his tongue, but a smile took over. I followed Jason into the next room, where Steven Webber and Reese were waiting.

"Hi Emily," Steven said with a smile. "I understand I have reason to congratulate you."

"You're not pregnant, are you?" Reese exclaimed suddenly.

Self-consciously, I put my hand to my stomach. I thought I'd lost a couple of pounds in the past while, not gained anything. Was I looking fat?

"She's not pregnant," Steven informed Reese pointedly. "She finished first in her med school class."

"That's great!" she said, most likely sincerely. I hadn't made up my mind about Reese yet.

"Anyways, what's going on?"

"Why don't you sit down?" Jason suggested, having already made himself comfortable in one of the plush red chairs. I followed, butterflies in my stomach. I thought this was about Michael . . . why were all these people here to talk?

"Michael's being released from the hospital today," Reese began slowly. "Much to his discontent."

"There's no reason to keep him here," Steven explained. "And I don't think the hospital's a great place for him."

"Our problem is that he doesn't want to be released into Sonny or Carly's care."

"Yeah," I agreed. "He mentioned that. What about Jason?" I turned to him. "Why doesn't he stay with you?"

"I don't think that staying with Jason would be beneficial to Michael at this time," Steven explained. "He's still having trouble with wrapping him mind around the concept that a parent can love a second child while still loving the first, and with Sam pregnant, it could be a dangerous situation for him in such a fragile state."

"So where's he going? Not foster care, right?"

"We hope not," Reese said. "That's where you come in. You and Michael have formed quite a close connection in the past couple of weeks. I know you're living alone right now, but how would you feel about taking on the role of Michael's guardian for the next little while? I know it would mean a lot to him."

My mind immediately started racing. Me? They wanted me to take care of Michael? I loved him, but that couldn't possibly be enough to make me his. . . his caretaker. His. . . almost like his mother?

"I- um. Is Sonny okay with this?"

"As okay as he's going to be. But he's not fighting it," Jason told me.

"And Carly?"

"Carly's not in much of a state to be arguing right now." It was true. She was out on bail, awaiting her trial for AJ's murder. I still couldn't believe that they were going through with the charges.

Despite my mind screaming reasons not to, I found myself nodding. Michael needed me. "I'll do it."

Maybe this could be a new start for Michael. Maybe even a new start for me. Yes, this is what I needed to turn my life again, regain control of what had been taken away from me. This was perfect. A new start for both of us.


	2. Michael

Thank you all so much for your reviews! I've got a couple of chapters that seem like they're an introduction, but if you stick with me, I promise it will pick up!

* * *

"You really have an island all to yourself?" Michael asked for the third time as we got off the launch.

"Since Nikolas isn't here, I do. But Elizabeth and Lucky and Cameron lived here for a little while. And Nikolas lives here when he's home."

"Don't you get lonely?" he asked, lugging his one bag behind him.

"Do you want me to take that?" I offered.

"No, I can take it. So don't you get lonely without Nikolas or anyone else here?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I miss him, but that's why you're here, isn't it? To keep me company. And you can choose any room you want in the whole house."

"Really?"

"Yep. Any that you want."

"Cool!" he cried as I opened the front door. I disarmed the alarm system and he went running in, dropping his bag at his feet.

I just stayed there for a minute, watching him disappear down the hallway and smiled. It was good to Michael out of the hospital, acting the way a kid should. He had lost so much because of AJ, and there were times I doubted that he could become a kid again.

"Millie," Michael asked, slowly coming back into view. "Where are the bedrooms?"

I laughed and picked up his bag. "Come on, I'll show you."

* * *

"I'm hungry," Michael announced when we were unpacking his clothes. He had tried out every bed that he could find, and finally chose the one next to mine, closest to the room that Nikolas had filled with game machines.

I looked at my watch. It way well past seven. "Let's have some dinner."

"Okay," he agreed quickly, jumping to his feet. "Which way's the kitchen?"

I pointed the way for him, and he ran past me. "What are we having?"

Uh-oh. I hadn't thought that far ahead. I had kept some food for me, but nothing that Michael would be too interested in. What were ten year olds eating these days anyways? Hamburgers. You can't go wrong with hamburgers. Except I didn't have any. Chicken? Nothing that he would eat.

I flipped on the light and he momentarily forgot about what was for dinner. Instead, he stared wide-eyed around the kitchen, which was still sparkling from the last time it had been cleaned. I hadn't been home enough to make a mess or experiment with recipes. In fact, I think I had done all my studying for exams living on milk and microwave popcorn. Looking around the kitchen made my own stomach grumble. I didn't want to have to go out again to take him out for dinner. He had to be at the hospital for nine the next morning, and I didn't want to keep him up too late. Although he was staying with me, he had to be at the hospital for an out patient program at the hospital. He was still seeing psychiatrists twice a day and finishing his grade five.

"You know my dad wouldn't let my mom in the kitchen?" Michael asked, his eyes still wandering around the room. I found him sounding sad, more than anything. "She always made a mess of everything. And she couldn't cook anything. My dad would always make the best spaghetti sauce though." He was quiet a minute or two longer, the blinked hard and focused on me. "So, what are we having for dinner?"

My mind raced. "You know, I was thinking- and don't you dare get into thinking that I'll let you do this every day- we could skip dinner and just have ice cream sundaes."

"Yeah!" he shouted and pumped his fist into the air. I went to the freezer and pulled out a tub of vanilla ice cream and put it on the counter. I was about to get the toppings when the phone rang.

"Why don't you get out the toppings that you want and I'll get that?" I suggested. He quickly ran to see what goodies awaited him.

"Hello?" A pause. My blood ran cold when there was no voice at the other end. "Hello?"

"Hi Emily, it's me," Monica's voice came softly.

"Hi mom. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." Her voice didn't sound fine. I was immediately worried about her. She had been through so much the past couple of months, and seemed to have been losing a lot of weight and getting tired all the time.

"So, how are things with Michael?"

"They're good," I answered, glancing back at the tub that Michael was trying to scoop ice cream out of. "We're just having dinner."

"Oh, good. I'll make this quick then. I was wondering if you wanted to go out for dinner tomorrow night."

"With Michael?"

"No, I was thinking the two of us. What about lunch?"

"Sure. That would be great. What time?"

"Twelve thirty at the PC Grill?"

"I'll be there."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

"Okay. Take care mom. I love you."

"I love you too, Em." Something in her voice wasn't right. But maybe she wanted to tell me whatever it was over lunch the next day. I turned back to Michael, who had bent the silver spoon into a 90-degree angle trying to scoop out the ice cream with no success. "Here," I said, hanging up the phone. "Can I help you with that?"

* * *

"Millie?" A small voice came in the dark of my room. I immediately turned on my light and looked at the door. Michael was standing there squinting in his pajamas and rumpled hair.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"I had a bad dream," he explained without a hint of shyness.

I pulled the covers down in the bed beside me and I patted a spot beside me. He quickly crawled in brought himself close to me.

"Do you want to talk about your dream?" I offered. "Sometimes that helps me after I've had a bad dream." Except for the one that I was living in.

He shook his head vigorously.

"Do you want to sleep with me?"

He nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Is it okay if I turn off the light?"

He nodded, but again didn't say anything. I turned off the light and lied down beside him. He quickly curled into me.

"I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Oh, Michael, you don't have to be sorry for that." Truth was, I hadn't been sleeping. I couldn't fall asleep. Or maybe I was afraid to. Afraid of the dreams that would come. I gently kissed the top of his head and put my arm around him.

If I couldn't keep my own bad dreams away, at least I could keep his.


	3. Morning Calls

There's something at the end of this chapter that might sound strange, but I promise I'm going somehwere logical with it.

The song at the end is Morning Calls by Dashboard Confessional, from their CD A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar.

* * *

"Hi Mom," I greeted Monica the next day when I found her in the PC Grill. "Sorry I'm late. Traffic was crazy. Who knew there were so many people in Port Charles?"

She laughed half-heartedly and gave me a quick hug. Her grip felt weak, and she looked pale. "How are you?" I asked.

She sat back down and seemed to think about her answer for a while. "Honestly, Em, I'm not sure."

"What do you mean?"

"I just haven't been feeling well the past little while."

"You've been going through a lot. You've been at the hospital everyday and with AJ being killed . . . mom, you've had more than your share to deal with."

"I know, but it still feels like something's wrong."

"Have you been sleeping?"

"Yes." She sighed, and put her hand on top of mine. "I'm sorry, Em. I don't mean to tell you all this."

"You don't exactly have anyone else to talk to."

"I know, but you're my daughter. I shouldn't be burdening you."

"Mom, you're not only family, you're one of my best friends. If you need me, I'm always here."

She sighed again, and squeezed my hand. "You have no idea how much that means."

* * *

"Hi Millie!" Michael cried when I came to pick him up from the hospital that night.

"Hi Michael," I smiled. "Look, I drew a picture of your island today!" He brought out a painting of Spoon Island with him and I in front of it. I could see some real talent in his paintings. He had made me when I first started coming to see him, and his paintings had improved immensely. He was working with a recreational therapist, and I think painting had become a kind of release for him. I made a mental note to pick up a paint set for him.

"Are we going back to the island now?"

"Actually, I thought it might be a good idea for us to do some groceries."

"Dinner last night was fine," he said quickly. "We could just have that again." One thing that amazed me about Michael was that he still kept up his sense of humour after everything that had happened to him. I wished I could have said the same."

"I don't think your dad will forgive me if I let you have pure sugar for dinner two nights in a row."

"We don't have to tell him."

I sighed. "How about this- we'll do groceries, and then we can go to Kelly's for dinner."

He thought about it for a minute. "Can we share two deserts?"

"How about we share three?"

"Okay!" He agreed quickly. If only everyone could be bought so easily.

* * *

After two hours of grocery shopping, an Oreo sundae, triple chocolate cheesecake, Mississippi mud pie and wrestling with Michael to get in bed, I finally collapsed into bed. I felt exhausted, but at the same time, I didn't want to sleep. I hadn't been interested in sleep lately. I picked up the phone beside my bed and dialed Lucky's number in the darkness of my room.

"Emily!" he answered right away. I loved caller ID- Lucky didn't screen his calls by the answering machine anymore. "I was about to call you!"

"I guess I have good instincts then. What's going on?"

"Helena was just brought into the PCPD. Mac's already working on Nicholas's release."

My mind stopped working. Nicholas. Out of prison. Helena was back. And arrested now.

"Emily?"

"Yeah," I finally stammered. "I'm here."

"This is good news. Nicholas is coming home to you."

"That's great." And I meant it. I was truly happy that Nicholas would be coming home. It was good for him. My only problem was that when I got back, I would be his wife. And he'd want to be with me.

"Are you okay?"

I took a deep breath. "Lucky, I still haven't told him about the rape."

"Em . . ."

"I know, I know." Tears were forming behind my eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed my eyes. "I know I should have told him, but I can't. Not yet."

"You're going to have to tell him at some point."

"Some point," I agreed quickly. "But not yet."

"You don't think Nicholas will know?"

"Lucky, I've only told you and Elizabeth. I'm not ready to tell him yet."

"He's your husband."

"But he looks just like my rapist!"

Lucky didn't say anything for a minute. Then two minutes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be. I should have thought of that. Do you want me to come over?"

I swallowed down the lump again. "No, no, I'm okay."

"Em, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"Good. He's in court tomorrow at 11. He should be released right away."

"Thanks for letting me know."

"No problem. And Em, I love you. Don't forget it."

"I love you too. Oh, and, congratulations."

I could hear him grin over the phone. "Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow. And call me or Elizabeth if you need anything."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye."

* * *

I knew I would never call either of them. As much as I knew they would be there for me no matter what, they were happy. They were together again, and I didn't want to come in the way.

I wouldn't call anyone. No matter how badly I wanted to talk, I couldn't impose.

I turned on the light and just on the side of my bed, hands clasped in my lap. Slowly, I lowered my head down, and I felt a couple of tears slide down my cheek. I didn't make any noise, but the tears kept coming, hot and salty, fast and furious.

Pain had been welling up inside me for as long as I could remember. From the time when I was little and lost my dad, and when my mom died when I was fourteen. But I didn't want to feel sorry for myself, and I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I had been so lucky in so many other ways. With having the Quatermaines who took me in and loved me like their own daughter. With friends, best friends, like Lucky and Elizabeth. Having married the man that I loved more than life itself.

But this time the pain was bigger than me, and I didn't know what to do about it. I really did love Nikolas, and I did want to be with him, but the idea of making love still made me feel sick to my stomach.

I got up and started picking my clothes up off the floor. I had allowed my room to become a mess, and I didn't want Nikolas to come home to it.

Once I finished picking things up, I started dusting, and then went on to mopping the polished wood floors. Once I had finished with my room, I moved on to the other rooms that I had used in the past months. I had to have things right for Nikolas.

Finally, I was exhausted to the point of barely being able to move, but still not sleepy. I sighed and picked up a bottle of wine from the fridge, that I could reach from where I was sitting. It was the twist off kind. A glass or two of wine always helped calm my nerves.

Quickly one or two glasses turned into three or four. Eventually, I found myself emptying the bottle into my glass.

I looked at the glass in front of me. It had helped me calm my nerves, but I still hadn't figured out what to do about the next night. Nikolas would be back, and I couldn't be with him.

Then an idea formed in my head. I remembered a case study we had done about the effects of Viagra on women. It worked in kind of the same way on women as on men.

Maybe all I needed was a little help.

I finished off my glass on wine, and made my way slowly to the bedroom. I could be there for him. I finally felt a glimmer of hope.

And then I silently cried until Michael work up with a nightmare and needed my help. Then I sat in silence before the early morning light finally broke through my window.

* * *

Morning calls for pain relief,  
a line above the step beneath  
the worst that you could do.  
And the best that you could hope for,  
is hardly the best.

Tepid waters chase the pills  
with turpentine and chamomile,  
and don't get cheap on the wine.  
You need to be up all of the time.

Shield your eyes, conceal your lies.

Don't blink. Everyone's watching.  
They'll think that you're up to something.  
They need for you to be everything  
that they cannot be themselves.


	4. Nikolas

I arrived at the courthouse the next morning an upset stomach. I couldn't figure out if it was because of nerves or from the bottle of wine the night before. I sat in the courtroom nervously awaiting the trial to begin, a good two hours away. I couldn't think of doing anything else though. This trial was going to both save my life and kill me at the very same time. I would get the love of my life back, but he had the face of my rapist.

"Emily? What are you doing here?" I turned around and saw Reese Marshall standing in the doorway. She and I had talked a couple of times when she was looking for Michael, but hadn't seen much of her since. We had gotten along tolerably well, but right now I couldn't have been happier to see her. I needed something- anything- to take my mind off Nikolas.

"I dropped Michael off and I didn't have anywhere else to go. I just wanted to wait here, I guess."

She made her way over to me in silence, her heels clacking against the sparkling wood floors, echoing throughout the empty courtroom and slid into the bench beside me.

"What are you doing here?" I finally asked.

"I had to talk to Ric Lansing about Carly's trial. He insisted we get it done first thing in the morning."

I looked around the courtroom, pretending to be interested in the woodwork along the edges, trying to think of something to break this silence. I turned back to Reese and this time, I caught her eyes. She stared at me for a minute and nodded, as if she finally understood something.

"Do you want to get a coffee?" she asked.

* * *

"Do you mind if we sit outside?" she asked after the short walk to Kelly's. We had been silent the whole way, but I was intrigued at what she had to say. If anything.

"Can I get you girls anything to get started?" I waitress asked, bounding over with seemingly endless energy.

"Coffee," Reese answered. "Just coffee."

"I'll have the same," I told her.

"Coming right up," she promised, her bubbly personality too much for me to take so early in the morning. Quickly she reappeared outside and poured each of us a steaming cup. Once she had a sip, Reese reached into her purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She hit it twice, the brought it to her lips and lit it.

"I didn't know the FBI allowed their agents to smoke," I said for lack of a better sentence.

She laughed. "I quit eight years ago."

"And how's that going for you?"

"It was fine until Michael's case came up. Something about the Corinthos." She offered me the pack.

"No thanks."

She took another deep drag. "It's a disgusting habit. When did you quit?"

I gaped at her. "How did you know?"

She shrugged. "I'm a profiler. I figure these things out."

"It was another lifetime." Truth was, after I OD'ed, I had stopped smoking and drugs completely.

"How's Michael doing?"

"He seems good. His painting skills are really coming along. I think he'll do okay. He's a strong boy."

"Yeah, he is. So why are you looking so anxious?"

I knew that it was wrong to admit to Reese what was going on, but I found some off sort of camaraderie in her. "I'm nervous about Nikolas coming home."

"Because of what happened with Connor?"

I gaped at her. "How do you know about that?"

She took a final drag and stubbed out her cigarette. "I read the report."

"Do a lot of people know?"

She shook her head. "Just some of the need to know people at the PCPD."

Somehow I felt it tumbling out. "I still haven't told him."

"You know, it could help."

I nodded. "I haven't told him all this time because I didn't want to lay anything more on him, and now I can't imagine him knowing."

"Based on my history with men, I can't give too much insight, but based on everything I've heard about Nikolas he does seem like a really good guy."

"He is," I assured her quickly. "I just don't want him to know. I don't want him to see me as. . ." I trailed off, not sure what to say.

"Damaged?"

"Yeah."

She took a final sip of her coffee and set it down silently. "I can promise you, Emily, you're not damaged. Now come on, we're going to be late for the trial."

At that moment, I wished more than anything that she was right about me.

* * *

"Your honour, at this time, the People move to have all charges against Mr. Cassadine dismissed, in light of Helena Cassadine's recent appearance," Ric Lansing told the judge.

I squeezed Liz's hand. This was it. Nikolas was going to be released. It was going to be over. He was going to have his freedom again.

"Mr. Cassadine, you're free to go with this court's apology," the judge announced to the courtroom. He banged his gavel. "Court dismissed."

I plastered a wide smile on my face, and Nikolas turned to hug me. He was still in his orange jumpsuit, but he was as handsome as ever. I allowed him to huge me tight, while I dug my nails into my wrists to keep from screaming.

"I'm coming home, Em. This whole nightmare's over. I'm coming home."

"I'm so happy for you," I told him honestly.

"We're going to be so happy, Em, we're going to be free. From Connor and Mary and this whole mess."

"Nikolas," Alexis said, pulling him gently away from me. "We've got some paperwork to be done before we can leave."

"Okay." He hugged me one last time, then kissed me deeply on the lips. As hard as I tried, I felt like I was choking.

"I'll go with you," Lucky volunteered. I was thankful to see them all leave. I turned to Liz when we were finally alone.

"Liz, I need you to do me a favour. I know it's huge and it's horrible, and it's not fair to ask you, but I need this more than anything I've ever needed before."

She looked confused and concerned. "I'll do anything for you, Em, you know that. Is everything okay?"

"No," I admitted. "I still haven't told Nikolas, and he's going to want to make love tonight. And I want to make love to him."

"That's great!" she exclaimed. "Isn't it?"

"I can't do it though. I can't even kiss him, let alone make love to him."

"How can I help?"

"Is there any way you can steal some Sidenafil tablets?"

"Viagra?"

"Yeah."

"How will that help?"

"Look, I know that it sounds crazy, but it works the same way in women. If I could get in the mood, maybe I could do it."

She sighed. "Wouldn't it be better to tell him?"

"Not tonight. I don't want to ruin his release."

"Okay. . . come by the hospital after three. I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks Liz. I'm so lucky to have you in my life."

"You know I'd do anything for you, right?"

"Of course."

"So if you want help telling Nikolas, let me know, okay?"

I sighed. "I will. Thanks."

But I knew that I wouldn't be asking her anytime soon.

* * *

"Emily!" Michael cried when I went to pick him up that evening. "Hi Nikolas."

"Hi buddy. I hear you're staying with us for awhile."

"You mean you live there too?"

"Yep. I'm the one who got the ping-pong machine in the game room."

"Cool!"

Nikolas had reacted well to the news that Michael was staying with us. He said he was happy to have another guy in the house, and he and Michael had always gotten along on the few occasions that they had met.

"Are you ready to go?" Nikolas asked me.

I nodded. I had slipped off to see Liz when Nikolas had gone to the washroom, and I felt like I was ready for whatever happened that night.

"Yeah, let's go."

* * *

"Night Millie," Michael said that night when I tucked him in.

"Goodnight Michael," I said, and switched off his light and closed his door.

I had taken one of the pills just before putting Michael to sleep, and nothing was happening. In our bedroom, Nikolas had lit candles and poured two glasses of champagne. I quickly slipped into the washroom and took the other two tablets in the package, carefully hiding any evidence of the box, then went to see Nikolas.

"To us," he proposed, handing me one of the glasses of champagne. We clinked them.

"To us," I repeated. I swallowed mine quickly, and felt the bubbles rush to my head.

"Good champagne," I explained.

He grinned. "I'm glad you like it." He put his glass down and come up behind me, sliding his arms around my waist and kissing my neck. The champagne had made me momentarily woozy, and I didn't flinch when I felt his lips to my neck.

I had four more glasses of champagne before Nikolas and I made love. It wasn't sweet or soft like I had remembered, but aggressive and fast. It wasn't Nikolas' fault; It was because of me. But I left me feeling sick and I knew that if I were to make love to him again, something big was going to have to change.


End file.
